literature

There's No Santa?

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Literature Text

There's No Santa?!

"So," Rukia paused, placing her mug of hot chocolate down on the table while pulling at the collar of her royal blue sweater—the one she had to have, the same one Ichigo had to shell out 3306 yen on—the one with the red flowers across the chest. Ichigo hadnt thought it necessary, but to prove that it was Rukia was wears it every other day. "Just to make sure I understand you right," she paused, giving him a confused look. "A fat middle aged man with a white beard in a red jumpsuit is going to do a 'breaking and entering' tonight but leave things for me….under that tree in the living room we decorated today?"

Ichigo grinned. "Exactly." He knew it was wrong to lie to Rukia, but he thought it was so funny that she actually believed it all. Sure up to a certain age he had as well, but Rukia was practically a grown woman but she still didn't find any flaws in the logic that was Christmas' Santa Clause.

Ichigo recognized how wrong it was to lead her on, he knew she'd kill him when she found out, but for some reason he didn't care. It was just so funny that she was buying into it all. Maybe it was revenge for making him buy her a sweater, who really knows?

"He comes in threw the chimney and puts presents for everyone under the ever green tree." Ichigo nodded, leaning back in the chair he was seated in, having a grand old time amusing himself as he did.

"And we leave Santa Claus cookies and milk, Rukia." Yuzu called, taking said cookies from the oven. "This year I made sugar cookies in the shape of Christmas trees and rein deer." She smiled.

Rukia's eyes shown only of confusion, "Yuzu, you're feeding the poor man's obesity. How will he fit down the chimney if you make him fatter?" she asked truly looking for an answer. "And what about his health, eating cookies at every house isn't healthy for anyone let alone an already fat man."

Yuzu stopped momentarily, considering Rukia's words while looking at the cookies she set out to cool. "I'll leave him carrots next year." She smiled to herself, then leaving the room.

"Ichigo," Rukia said looking him in the eyes with much concern. "Does this man that's coming into the house while we're all asleep," Rukia emphasized, "really have claws?"

Ichigo who was taking a sip of his coco at the time laughed into it, getting said drink on his cheeks. "I'm sorry, what did you just ask me?" he chuckled grabbing a napkin from the center of the table.

Rukia gave him a dull yet irritated look. "The prowler's name is 'Santa Claws', and I asked does he actually have claws, as his name would imply."

Ichigo sighed. "Well, first off, I wouldn't call Santa Claus a prowler exactly and secondly its not spelt c-l-a-w-s like claws, its spelt c-l-a-u-s like as in Santa."

She gave him another irritated look, as if to suggest she thought he thought she was stupid. "Whatever Ichigo," she sighed getting up from her seat across from him. "All I'm saying is, I don't approve of this man breaking into this house, leaving gifts or otherwise," she reasoned, rinsing out her hot chocolate mug.

Ichigo shook his head. "It'll be fine. Don't worry your little midget head over it."

"I'm not even going to say anything about you calling me a midget, that's how serious I am," Rukia tilted her head as she looked back to him. "I hear the song Ichigo, 'he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake,' the man's a terror." She set down her hands on the counter, looking Ichigo in the eye. "He belongs in an asylum."

Ichigo saw the perfect way to get her even more worked up about the whole Santa thing. "You know Rukia," he started, standing from his seat and walking to the sink next to her. "You're probably right." Rukia raised her eyebrows at him. "He works with these little short things 'bout your size, you better watch out he might take you instead of the cookies this year."

Rukia's jaw dropped slightly, her big blue eyes bugging as she looked up at the orange haired man before her. "He's going to do what?!" she called.

"Yeah, Rukia, we've never had someone your size in the house during Christmas before, he could take you away to work in his shop where you'll be forced to make toys all year for all the people in the world." Ichigo paused, glancing down at her scared face. "Man, I'll sure miss you."

With that Ichigo left the kitchen shaking his head sadly, leaving poor Rukia scared half to death in his wake.


Ichigo was woken up to a yelp and a loud crash. At first he wasn't quite sure what had happened until he heard another cry for help and a thump. Without thinking he ripped his blankets off, grabbing the bat that rested on his wall and stepping into the hall as quietly as he could.

"Ichigo," Yuzu whispered from her bedroom door, Karin standing behind her as another cry rang out and something crashed into what Ichigo could only hope wasn't something breakable. "What's going on?"

"Yuzu, Karin go back to bed, I'll go see what's going on." He answered, creeping slowly down the hall, bat in hand.

Slowly Ichigo made his way down the stair case and into the kitchen, not turning any lights on as he went. If someone was breaking into the house, Ichigo at least wanted the element of surprise in his own house. What he saw as he walked into the living room made him drop his bat, said object rolling away from his feet as he watched the seen before him.

"Your claws won't help you know!"

"Rukia!" Ichigo screamed pulling the small dark haired woman off of the man resting pitifully on the now broken coffee table. Poor guy was dressed in a red jump suit with a fake white beard and gut tied to his body.

Rukia thrashed in Ichigo's arms. "He's here to take me away Ichigo!" she called trying to break free. "I won't let him take me; I don't want to live in his crazy toy filled sweat shop!"

"Rukia, stop that's my dad!" Ichigo called, his words stilling her.

The lights flipped on at that moment, "Daddy!" Yuzu called from the doorway, running to said man's side on the ground, Karin much less interested following behind her.

"Mr. Kurosaki?!" Rukia said in surprise as she watched Yuzu pull the fake beard off the supposed Santa Claus' face.

"Daddy your nose!" Yuzu cried, as blood dripped from said broken body part.

Rukia's surprise turned to angry as she realized the situation. "Ichigo," she growled getting free from his tight embarrass, "You bastard! I'm going to kill you!"

Just at that moment, to Ichigo's luck, there was a knock on the door. "Hello," Ichigo asked opening the door, Rukia's shoulders tightly under his arm, keeping her from attacking him.

The police officer eyed them both, "Yes, there was a call from one of your neighbors; they sat it sounded like someone had broken into your home."

Rukia growl, pushing herself from Ichigo's chest. "No!" she called. "No one broke into our house, because there's no Santa Clause!!" she bolted out after Ichigo into the snowy night.
no Soy Latte this week, i'm not sure why, i just didnt work on it...i appologize deeply. but in its place i made you a little christmas themed diddy. i made them catholic, or kind of anyways. i dont think it says anywhere in bleach what the kurosaki's really are but there is such thing as a japanese catholic so thats what i made them and i dont want to hear people bitching at me about how they arent catholic in japan, because there was a whole crusade about it and hundreds of japanese catholics were crusified because of it so there HA! ...this is Ichigo's idea of a christmas prank i guess. enjoy!
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Saacsa's avatar
XD XD XD XD LMFAO that was hilarous!!